Sunday, May 17, 2015

Girlfriends, Gallbladders and Going back to school for everyone...

Okie dokie, figured since I was updating pictures on here - I would throw out a new post. Cuz I know you are all waiting on pins and needles to hear from me. Ha ha ha. Right... but I am waiting for cookies to bake so seemed like something to waste time doing.

Anyways... Had an amazing get away with my girlies last month. First time EVER went away just for a weekend to myself. All friends, no kids, no husbands, no drama.... except my gallbladder did not get the memo!

Beautiful ride down to Tennessee. Of course with all trips - which are lacking anything reality - you end up wishing you could move there forever and ever. Oh it would be amazing! We went to Pigeon Forge. I HIGHLY recommend that to anyone. A cabin for the weekend is like next to nothing! And the experience was so awesome.

Here half of us are:
 And here is Mountain Sunrise the cabin we rented:
7 of us girlies went down and it was amazing... until... 4 am when I was stuck in the bathroom for hours... once I got some immodium AD in the morning I felt ok again and ready to tackle all the tastes of the trip... pile in all the grease goodies and pleasures of TN and my stomach felt ON FIRE. Like I was going to die! Of course I stayed strong. First trip in MY LIFE for pure pleasure of my own... Keep strong Linda. Have another yummy goodness... BAM... I was done. fetal position on my bed. Tears streaming and feeling like my stomach was about to EXPLODE in my body. Like just drop out and burst. ... 5 am immodium wore off. Ill spare you more details. But RELIEF. Thank you Jesus! And all my nursing friends who were on this trip sent me right to a doctor when I got back.

Now I have this silly thing called SURGERY: scheduled June 6th. And not "Ross Surgery" either. The real deal - suck out my organ through tiny holes surgery. Booooooooo. I am so sad. Guess my Hida scan said my gallbladder only wants to work tops 12%. Go figure.

Anyways - gotta get that fun outta the way.

Meanwhile life moves on. I am coaching my sons soccer team. Someone tell me how with all the parents and men too - A single mom who knows nothing about soccer except I drop off my kids and let someone else coach them for an hour of my life - was the only one willing to step up and coach these 9/10 year olds? I feel like a loser of a coach but at least I am offering them the chance to play.

Then one afternoon my son Tristan comes up to me and says - "Mom, you were my teacher, my lunchlady, now my soccer coach - thank you!" And Right there. That is why I do this. He was sooooo awesome to say that to me. Now I want to run out and volunteer for it all!!! I can do it! ...  but no... lol This mama knows her limits. Never listen to them but I do know there are some. So for now - VBS sign ups, Summer Sunday School helper, Sign me up for stay away camp with Wyatt so he can go to summer camp mom and me style. Okie dokie.

I have a full plate going on. Just when one thing ends another starts. Our year of homeschool has ended. We finished up and are awaiting evaluations. Everyone is signed up to go back to school next year. God willing. My College schedule is a FULL TIME one. Eeks. What am I thinking? Oh yes, that I need to knock this out and finish. Both Boys are going back to Penn Christian Academy. They are over the moon excited to get back to their friends. I am excited for them. Wish they could have been there this year but hey - who knows why God had things be the way they were. Anyways. PLEASE keep praying - Alyssa applied to a Charter School that we are waiting on pins and needles to see if she got in. It is one we very much want her to attend. The letters get sent out end of May so soon we should know where she is going next year. I hope very much Gods plans for her include Lincoln Park. So all prayers appreciated. We will have a full fall ahead of us. Going from lazy homeschoolers to full time super school peeps, I am excited but apprehensive. Homeschooling life is soooo lazy and perfect. oh well. Time to go back into the land of the living and alarm clocks.

But first - summer! All the kidlets are planning to attend weeks away at Seneca Hills. First time for us there and very excited. We also have two vbs's lined up. My parents church and my own at Community Alliance. Gonna be a busy summer. Time to get started playing while we can!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Breakfast Smoothie

Need to use up some Oatmeal that you have left from a crockpot full? Want a quick breakfast/meal on the go without stopping for Drive Thru but want it to fill you up? Then look no further.
Adapted from a recipe I found online - Here is what I have fell in love with!

A Chocolate, Banana, Peanutbutter, Oatmeal Breakfast Smoothie!

First - anytime I have ripe bananas that I am not going to use fast - I slice them and put them in a container in the freezer. Then when I need to make a quick breakfast smoothie - I have bananas all ready to go!

Get out your blender - In mins, you can have a breakfast ready to take out the door.

You will need...

Half a Cup of Chilled Oatmeal
1 Tablespoon of cocoa powder
1 Tablespoon of Peanutbutter (I like Organic Natural)
Big Handfuls of Baby Spinach leaves (trust me! you won't taste them) The more you use the greener your drink so if color throws you off - start light. I can't get enough packed in there these days.
3/4 Cup of Milk of Choice - I use Vanilla Almond.
1 Frozen Banana
1 tsp. Chia Seeds

First put the Oatmeal into the Blender.
Add in the Peanut butter.
Cocoa Powder
And BLEND... Do do do do... ready to continue?
Now add in the milk... (IFFFFFFF you go for original... I like to add optionally in Agave Nectar and or Vanilla. But if you use Vanilla flavored milk skip those sweeteners)

Then some Chia Seeds... I get these little packs at walmart for 97cents! Woohoo!

And finish off with some frozen banana. About one banana.
Mix it all up...
How do you like that old $12 blender? She does the trick. Someday... Gonna need to upgrade though. But hey - No need yet.
And this recipe makes a nice mason jar full with a little to spare in a cup to sip on. I like to pop it back into the freezer for about 15 mins if I have time to thicken it up again. But if I don't its all good also! So many mornings I make this on the go! It has saved my health running through the drive through so many times! And guess what the best part is? Besides how awesomely good it tastes. It FILLS YOU UP! Did you know how amazing those little chia seeds can be? They are like magic fill your belly goodness. Who knew!? Cha cha cha Chia!

 Oh and OPTIONAL~ Sometimes I feel a little Edgy and throw in some Cinnamon.
Why not huh? Extra Heart Healthy there.

So Myfitnesspal has a nifty little recipe logger that tells me this recipe has 401 Calories so make sure you use this as a meal!!! I keep enforcing that to my kids. If you are gonna to have a smoothie you cannot have a NORMAL breakfast too! Says me! But hey... if you want to people who read my blog - that is all on you! I am not your mom ;) ENJOY!!!!
Nutrition Facts
Servings 1.0
Amount Per Serving
calories 401
 % Daily Value *
Total Fat 13 g 21 %
Saturated Fat 1 g 7 %
Monounsaturated Fat 5 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 3 g
Trans Fat 0 g
Cholesterol 0 mg 0 %
Sodium 160 mg 7 %
Potassium 53 mg 2 %
Total Carbohydrate 56 g 19 %
Dietary Fiber 9 g 34 %
Sugars 18 g
Protein 15 g 31 %
Vitamin A 8 %
Vitamin C 0 %
Calcium 36 %
Iron 6 %
* The Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet, so your values may change depending on your calorie needs. The values here may not be 100% accurate because the recipes have not been professionally evaluated nor have they been evaluated by the U.S. FDA.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

How to make Steel Cut Oats in the Crock Pot

So as many of you probably are - January is all about being healthy. And Good Ol Aldis has done a fabulous job at helping me in this journey! Cold Pressed Organic Extra Virgin Coconut Oil is only $4.99 there!!! $4.99!!!! And add that to the other goodies that have jumped in my buggy - the fresh produce, agave nectar, Organic everything... It has been a great start to a new year! 8.5 pounds gone of the nasty weight that crept on in 2014... On my way to getting the rest back off. Anyone using Two Grand the phone app? I am ... loving it!!! A tad addicted... if you use it - let me know who you are so I can follow you!

Amongst the goodies I have found and tried from Aldis - was Steel Cut Oats. Sounded healthy to me! :0) So I got a container.... now what? Oh they look so pretty. So healthy... .... hmmmm.

Thankfully Pinterest had me flooded with ways to make them. I settled on one and have already made it three times. So since I am not sure my Pins will go away someday, I have decided to stick it on my own blog.

Here is the pictures of me making a double batch this week (we found a breakfast smoothie recipe that is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G that called for some of our leftover oats - which we never have. So doubling the recipe last time..

Ok here is the cast of characters...
 Steel Cut Oats, Milk, Water (not pictured), Chia Seeds, Vanilla, Agave Nectar, Cinnamon and Nutmeg

Put  Steel Cut Oats in the Crockpot:
 Add in your milk and water:
 Cinnamon and Nutmeg:
 Agave Nectar:
 Chia Seeds (Aren't you feeling extra healthy now!?)
 Stir it up...
 Cover and Cook on High for about an Hour before bedtime.
 Turn off Crockpot - DO NOT REMOVE THE COVER - Let sit over night. In the morning you have awesome oats, just give them a stir. You can turn the crockpot back on low for a little bit to warm them up, pop them in the microwave for a few seconds or eat them cold. Delish that way too.
Here is the details:


1 cup steel cut oats
2 cups milk (you can use skim, or whatever. My favorite is to use Almond Milk)
2 cups water
1 tablespoon agave nectar (honey is ok too. I like agave cuz Aldi's has it and it seems so sophisticated)
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
pinch of nutmeg
1 teaspoon chia seeds (I got mine from Walmart, they had these nifty little small bags for 97cents!)

Put ingredients in the crock-pot on high for an hour. Leave covered, turn off and let continue to cook, soak over night. In the morning Stir and turn on low for a bit to reheat.

Enjoy! And may I suggest making a super awesome smoothie outta the leftovers. Recipe coming next time I make it... :0)

Ward Off Needing Stitches with an Egg

Have you ever heard of the old trick to heal a split open cut with an egg? I am very happy that my Dad and Uncle have passed down this little tidbit of knowledge to myself because it has came in handy a few times. Whether it was to ward off stitches all together, or to hold together a cut when needed, or just a stubborn cut on a finger that is prone to being reopened because you use it so much.

The other day when I cut myself on a sharp metal drain stop that was broken and slice the side of the thumb doing dishes, I realized I once again needed eggs. I thought while I was at it - I would blog this little nugget of wisdom for anyone who might have heard about it but is like - ok... I have an egg, now what? What part do I exactly use to do this miracle cure?

So... without further a-do : The fun pictures on how to heal a cut without needing stitches.

First you crack the egg into a container - don't waste it. Then look at the shell. The bottom shell seems to have the best place to snag it. Can you see in this picture, the white "skin" that is inside when the shell flicks off. Be gentle to grab some and start pulling it off. You can see I have a piece already on my thumb. 
 Wrap it around the cut area like so...
 Then fast dry it. I held mine over the heater vent. You could hair dry it. Or hold it in front of a fan. As it dries it will harden and tighten the skin.
 It turns a nice white color when dried and you can leave it like that - or wrap a bandaid around it or tape etc. Alone is fine.

If you get it wet you have to redo it because it will wash off. I had a nice nasty cut and I actually wore a rubber glove over it to shower because I needed that sucker to stay closed for a bit. If it is a deep cut - a few days will be needed. Change the egg on it daily if not it gets pretty icky. But it works like a charm! It is a great trick that has helped a few people I know avoid stitches. Of course I am not offering medical advice - just passing down a nifty little old wives trick I am sure you will be glad to know if ever needed.

Hope this helps you clear up the question of - what exactly am I looking for on the egg. Oh next time you are cooking - go ahead and see if you can find the skin inside like I am talking about. Why not figure out how to get a nice strip before you are actually gushing blood!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Help I have a techno beast in my house!

Ok... so as I type - My kids are all engrossed in tablets and phones. So happy that their dad bought them cell phones, tablets etc etc... Feel the love... I want to scream. PLAY OUTSIDE!!!!! USE YOUR TOYS!!!! I am so sick of my kids faces in screens. In desperation I signed them up for sports. But while one plays, the others occupy themselves waiting with - you guessed it. Tablets, screens.

Last week we had a homeschool kick-off picnic with friends. In discussion with the other moms (hi Emily and Jetaime ::::Waving::::) I hung my head in shame hearing how their energetic kids have nice little time limits on electronics. I excuse things by saying - well Alyssa has reached that pre-teen age where all they want to do is be in their rooms. Sure she is reading, drawing and more... but deep into the night hours, the glow of her phone while she surfs the web make me cringe. I know I know. All the internet dangers out there when kids have internet access in their rooms... that actually isn't my battle yet. yet. I know it is coming soon. So now I am begging myself, God and anyone who will listen - to help me tame this beast that has invaded my home now. Because once this battle is done - I know I have others I will have to move on to. But for now... Time. That is my issue.

I am so tired of having to TELL the kids what to do. What to play and set up their toys for them. Because if I don't they just - don't. Or fight or just annoy me until I let them back to their games and happy our house is. Oh don't act like this is a shock. It is just me being honest.

Sure my kids are still awesome and if given situations - they don't act rude or uninterested. But problem is - computers are so easy to be sucked into and while I do my morning stuff - Breakfast, devotions, dishes, laundry, bills, life... I look up and realize my 5 year old has been on the computer Minecraft for 5 HOURS! And it is just Lunch time! Well... I will make him get off after I am done cooking lunch... cleaning up lunch... bedtime!?!?!?

Help me Jesus. Please. Please.

So... I am annoyed I have to plan things. Tell them what to play. etc... But I realize this is a problem and just saying - ok no more you can only play so long... doesn't work. Cuz right now I tried that... and two hours later the boys are still on things... And frankly - I don't have the energy to set up toys, get ideas and things out and make them get off. I am tired. I am alone in fighting this battle. I worked all day and Just flat out DONT WANNA!!!!! WHINE WHINE WHINE POUT POUT POUT! It's not fair.  Can't someone else fix this monster of a problem? I flip out. I shut off routers. They look at me like - moms lost it again. And the next day - same life. Same technology. Same problems...

AHHHHHHHH ok... so Guess even though I don't have time. Effort. Or the will to do this. I have to fix it myself. And the only way is to break the habits. And fill time so much full with other things that they don't realize they are not on the computer as much. So much I pay 3 times my Internet bill as "going over my usage fees" Blah.

So composing a list. I have to schedule my kids to play! This stinks. This is silly. But this is reality. And Frankly... Booooooo.

(Can you tell I am really annoyed at this and frustrated!?!?! my kids can tell. But yelling and lecturing and grounding hasn't fixed my problem. So here goes a game plan)

Things to do to fill our time:::::

1) Color (this only works for Alyssa and Wyatt. Tristan is NOT an art kid... sigh)
2) Playdough... See I can fill WYATTS TIME! And this kid just wants someone to play with him!!!

What to do with Alyssa and Tristan... Pray first cuz I just had to pause to yell at the boys again for fighting over a video game... But here lies my issue. Now Tristan and Wyatt are wrestling in the living room and I want them to STOOOOOOP before a fishtank gets knocked over!

3)Monster Slime
4)Ninja Stress Balls
5)Chain Reaction Popsicle Sticks
6)Pound Nails into Wood
7)Snap Circuts
11)Laundry (yippee!!! I like this one) - from start to finish - gonna work on teaching them to load, unload and work on the laundry.
12)Marble Bowling
13)Make Plastic from Milk/Vinegar
14)Cup Stacking
15)Nerf Gun Shooting Range
16)Bowling with Cups
17)Plastic Fork Catapults
18)Ice Play
19)Drawing with wet chalk
20)Make a Marshmallow/PomPom Shooter
21)Mess Free Finger Painting  
22)Styrofoam Painting
23)Water Gun Painting
25)Skylanders Pop It
26)Stamps (rubber stamps and paper)
27)GAMES - we do have a lot. Don't spill the beans, kalide, uno etc. Funny how new these games are... not used more than a handful of times themselves. 

ok... so I gotta go put the kidlets to bed. Perhaps I can think of some more things to keep us busy tomorrow. Baby steps. I have a feeling tomorrow will be better because it is a full day of homeschool then Baseball. But today with work and no school, kids outta wack, mommy tired. No routine. I felt defeated. but Tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day! And a few ideas to start I can guide the boys to some of it to keep me sane and feeling like they are not turning into zombies.  

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Just needed to host some pictures for a min. ha ha ha

 Ok so here's the reason for a post today. I needed some pics online so I could link to them! And since I deactivated my facebook account (In April and never been happier) this is where I am placing them. So new blog post here I come.

While I am on I might as well update in case anyone stumbles across and sees a post. Update: We are homeschooling again this year. Happy to be back. Already got together with an amazing group of friends who will be joining us for field trips this year. I have decided my life is too busy for a co-op but friends to do trips with is what we need at this time. And thanking Jesus for bringing them to us! We had a back to school picnic this week and my kids had a GREAT TIME! I hope they said the same once we left.... eeks. Anyways. Here are a few pics from a week or so ago at McConnels Mill. Alyssa got Glasses as you can see. And then I added on at the bottom of our Dr. Who Night at the Theater that was last year. Just because - I wanted it on here. So thats that. Be back soon!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Brigittes Spinach Salad

Homemade Salad Dressing

3/4 tsp salt
3/4 tsp garlic powder
3/4 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp pepper
3/4 tsp season salt
1 Large tsp salad supreme
1 Tbsp Parmesan cheese
2 to 3 pinches of oregano
1 pinch of basil
2 tsp sugar (or splenda if you like that icky stuff - ha ha ha)

Mix all that stuff together.
Then add
Garlic Flavored Red Wine Vinegar to the vinegar line,
water to the water line and
Extra Light Olive Oil to the oil line.

The Main Salad

2 bags of cole slaw mix
1 bag of baby spinach
cook (but be careful not to burn):
1 Large Bag (or 2-3 small) of slivered/sliced almonds
half stick of butter
2 Tbsp of Sugar

Put the toasted almonds on top of the salad. Serve the dressing seperate so it stays fresh and not wilty. 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Something about the Rain

Tonight - I decided to just sit out back while it rains. Just softly enough now that the birds are still singing, the air has cooled and the evening just seems so fitting to my mood. Inside my kids play, the commotion of paths of whirlwind destruction from their games is sure to be a big job to clean - but for now I am ignoring it all and just enjoying time alone to think and blog.

Beside me is the plant I received for Mother's Day... and I observed it as the rain fell on the buds and it just beckoned me to take a picture..

Tonight I feel like my plant. If I was a tree huggin hippy (love you guys!!!) I would say - I feel one with my plant. ;-) It just reminds me of ... me. Despite sounding completely corny I thought about it.

When I brought my plant home on Mother's Day it was too cold for it to be outside. I didn't water it because I assumed my dad had. He is good like that. Two days later the flowers had all fallen off, and the leaves were dropping over the side. My kids were mortified. It got warm enough and I took it outback and gave it a huge drink of water. Immediately it perked back up. (Phew!!! Cause I swear my kids were about ready to cry!)

Now as I sit here looking at it, there are a few open flowers and many many many buds. As I watch the rain pour on  the leaves it makes me think of the rain I often feel.. I can hear the thunder in the distance. Seems like I have been going through my share of showers...
But without the rain the buds will never open.

Today was a sweet day. I had a nice morning but I had way too much time to think. About me. About what I am doing. About where I am going. About what I want.

And what I want DESPERATELY is to see the rain that I feel way too much - bloom what I have in me. I have so many dreams. It is a hard road to have dreams, a future and then feel like it was stripped away from you in an instant. Crushed and stopped in it's tracks. The life I had so comfortably made - God transplanted me smack dab into another over night almost. Ok... it was years in the making... but the actual GO... seems like a blur.

So many years of dreaming and blooming... building my garden... and now what? Its a struggle to just go day to day and provide for my kids in this world of economic craziness. And yes, I am well aware that I am not alone. That EVERYONE has their mountains. (but its my blog - lol)

I am a list person. I am a goal setting person. I was told by a past friend that I never am happy unless I am working on something. When she met me I was working on planning my wedding. As soon as that was done I was working on planning to get pregnant. Then there was figuring out what was happening in the womb at every second and stage. How as my delivery gonna go. Now I got kids - lets start with breastfeeding, homemade baby-food, cloth diapering, then as they grew on to homeschooling. Buying a house, remodeling the house. Plans, lists, deadlines, stress and I LOVE IT ALL!

Now I sit - Pinteresting all my dreams. Who invented Pinterest!? You hate me don't you!?? You know I can't avoid a place where I can ORGANIZE pictures and websites and ah it is HEAVEN for a control freak like myself!

... Rain... I know I need it. I know it sustains the very life I live. But it doesn't make it any easier... I need to refocus. Stop looking at the thunder and lightening and focus on the rain. What is God doing? And what is so amazing is that even when I try so hard to avoid His rain and pruning, he doesn't let me whither and die. I might feel like a day or two without water and feel the drooping... but then he is there. Whispering to me to keep coming back. Know what I have to offer. What I can be.... and stop picking at my own leaves. (Yes - add that to my illustration because I found myself nervously picking the plant when I was feeling confused... poor plant. I am sorry. lol) But I need to stop being destructive to what I can be.

I know it seems silly but it is amazing what God talks to my heart about when I sit and listen. Tonight He was talking to my heart with the sweet rain on my flowers. Thank GOD it didn't take him talking to me through Lightening ;-)

Thursday, May 16, 2013

A super long post about caring what others think about me... so you know what? I don't care if you think it is too long! So there!

This is a ramble post... Just one of those feeling how I am feeling and way too long for a Facebook Status update.

I am having one of those nights where I am feeling like I will never measure up and then trying to decide if I even want to. Not sure if I am sad about things or content. So here I am to blog it.
And then that brings me to my blog. I am not a super awesome with words type of girl. I do not demand an audience with every letter typed. Is anything I say interesting to anyone? Probably not.
But I blog anyways because it makes me feel good. :0) And then I get tons of email spam in my inbox alerting me to the fun hackers/spammers hope to gain from commenting links on my page. Gives them something to keep busy I guess.

But anyways... here I am. 33 years old. Trying to find my place as women attracting someone and single mom of three. And I find myself continually beating myself up for who I am. Watching other people as their lives scream - awesome - adventurous - you want to be with this girl. And mine screams - pick up the Nintendo Controllers, Sweep the pine needles from the kitchen and clean the tub ring from the showers so if someone looks in they don't think I bathed a pig in there and left it for show.

I do not trot the globe going to all kinds of exciting adventures. Nope, I am here. In my own little world because one - my kids are here. Tied for years to this place as result of having another parent who might not be so excited if I swoop his kids off and away. Then there is the little thing called $ that makes it not even an option. So oh you have never been ... anywhere? yep. Not since I have been an adult. My life pre marriage was pretty exciting. I have been to Poland/Germany, Panama multiple times, always beach vacations... then I grew up. ... And Erie PA has become once again an exciting outing. 3 hour car ride - a vacation!

Then lets talk about my cultural experience. What? Wreck it Ralph is not a classic movie? The Steakhouse that still allows us to throw peanuts on the floor is my ideal restaurant because one, I love the food... but two - my kids can scream all they want and no one notices.

But... the truth is... I do not want to be... I am me. I will slop something on my shirt. Heck my kids think fine linen is when I have on a nice shirt that they wipe their mouths on. Even without my kids - I am out of my element when I can't tell what I am ordering on the menu. And it makes me nervous to be so far outta my comfort zone. Sure I like new things... but reality is I am so happy at being out that I do not want to waste it not not liking something. The experience is not something I get every day and to be disappointed is not the outcome I am willing to shoot for. Not to mention my taste palette stopped developing at 12.

I am so thankful for technology. I hate when people use big words and movie or book quotes to talk. Truth is - I have no clue what you are saying. If it wasn't for google on my phone I could not join in half the conversations I try to engage in. I have not heard that line, I do not know what you are talking about and you lost me. Not impressed at how stupid I feel and it better be worth the time to look it up.

My favorite moments come when I am surrounded by my friends. As kids yell and act all silly crazy, run up and slug you, laugh and run away. As we try to engage in adult conversations, broken by pauses to get Captain America down from the fourth limb up (good throw!).

Where once our hot tub was turned up to a scalding temp - we enjoy a warm bath water feel because our fun is invaded by little swimming crazies who want to join us. Sexy fun? HA. No way. But loving every second and seeing the excitement of getting to hot tub with the adults.
Camping Bonfires are more centered around smores and making sure no one steals all the chocolate and helping rotate the odd shaped marshmallows.
Card nights  are interrupted by can I help you play that hand? please teach me to play! ... and we do. Stop playing 500 bid and lets get out the Apples to Apples... and its ok.

I wonder if I should try harder... Sometimes I feel like the excitement I get from working at the kids Cafeteria is crazy and juvenile.  Why don't I want to finish my degree of Computers and strive in the corp. world making $$$$$? I know I should. But I adore going to the school, making the lunch room inviting and smiling at each kid asking them if they want apple sauce, peaches or pears. I love smiling at the kids and seeing how happy they are at PCA. And I know that I do not care about a computer, I care about those kids. And helping them open their juice pop. ... but I struggle because it doesn't feel like I am striving to be who the world says I should be.

And I facebook. About my silly days. What ketchup we like best. Our trip creek stomping and soaking ourselves in a waterfall. Burning two dollar snakes and snapping snaps and having a perfect evening with it. Nothing exciting but completely awesome to me.

But I feel the weight of it all... when I look out and think about wanting to be known for me. I am more than Disney Channel and Macaroni an Cheese. I do have a mind and it is full of thoughts and opinions.  I love to debate. I like to know what is going on in the world - just don't always have the chance to if I am not filled in. Because my life moves so fast, even when it is stalled with sick kids keeping us cooped up. The demands are heavy. More than I can bear at sometimes. But to the outside... seems so ... nothing.

I don't have a history of good music. I don't experiment with breaking rules so my experience with anything makes me seem naive and clueless. I am the one who chose to use her paycheck on my car and savings instead of smoking and had AMAZING friends who wouldn't let me anyways. I think it was because they wanted me to cover drive thru while they went for a smoke but they claim it is because they cared about me...

So I struggle... I LOVE ME. I love my life. I like my childish ways. I love swinging on swings. I love drawing and jumping on trampolines. I love watching fantasy movies. I like singing teenage songs with clean lyrics that make me happy not feel like death. I adore rodeos and walks in the woods. I like going to a place I can get a milkshake and set traditions around mint ones.

The thought of going to a play or place of class freaks me out. I do not shop just to shop because it is not something I can do and it does not make me happy to feel like I am outta place. I just would rather not go.

If you want me to come up with ideas of fun... my mind goes to roller skating and kayaking. If I have to dress up I want to cry. Not because I do not like it. Because I have nothing to wear. I am a mom remember. If I did have something nice - I wore it and it is not grease stained or shrunk. And my body can't handle class either. I am stuck in that odd spot where I want to be 20 forever and that is my style... but my body is old and I can't (never could) but to wear what works for me - I feel twice my age and just depresses me more. So I would rather stay in my camo pants and batman tshirt and stay home. I want my gorilla glued combat boots and you can take these heels and go out with someone else.

I am shy around new people. I love to entertain my friends and welcome them to my home. I love to crash their places too... but the ones I am crashing... ask me how long I have known them. 16 years... So if you want to come crash my place - please do. But if you mention the fingermarks on my wall or pee on the seat I have yet to see because I have 3 bathrooms and do not spend every second of my life following my boys in there. But I do get it after they zonk out for the night. So if you want to see my house good - come at bedtime. or first thing in the morning. After that - just don't come if you are faint of heart.

I struggle... do I even want to let people in my world? Letting people in means displaying yourself and holding your breath to see if you are good enough. And facing reality that for most of the people you do - the answer will be - sorry. Not what we are looking for. And that is raw. As raw as it can get. The outcome could be awesome.. but the odds are not good. And the more time and experience that comes... the more I wonder... is it even worth it. Because I like me. And each time I figure out that someone doesn't it makes me question my worth.

So that's how I am feeling tonight as I go to bed. I am not depressed and sad about me. I love me. I think I am super awesome. It's just what goes through my mind... all the time. All the time.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Super Simple Cereal Bars

I needed to whip up a snack for kidlets simple and easy. Of course I always loved when my mom would make fruity pebble bars (twist on rice krispe treats) 
So I decided to go with that. Here is the recipe - simple and easy. 

3 tablespoons butter
4 Cups mini marshmallows
6 cups cereal of choice

First melt the 3 tablespoons of butter in a big pot over low/med heat. 

 Stir in the 4 cups mini marshmallows.

Stir over low heat until melted smooth.

Remove from heat and add in the 6 cups of cereal of your choice. Today I used fruity pebbles and then did a batch of chocolate lucky charms. Because I had big boxes of them and wanted to use some - that's why.

Stir to coat.
Then dump onto a spray buttered cookie sheet or in to a 9x13 pan. I just did a cookie sheet cause it was closer. :0)
I like to spray my hands and press down to flatten, push together. But you can use waxed paper if you don't wanna touch the food.

Let cool. Cut into squares and enjoy! Simple, easy, kids love.